what do I say?

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#1 Tue, 11/07/2017 - 11:22am
dianet
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what do I say?

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Hi Caleb,
I really enjoyed your book and love your blog, etc.
Here is my question. My father will be 91 in December. He is doing well, considering, but the last time I visited he told me he is thinking he is "getting close". He is disappointed in his weakening legs, and falling asleep on and off during the day. His dr. says he is in great shape but shows some signs of dementia. When he talks about leaving us it is almost as if he wants to prepare us. After a few minutes of saying this he perks up and we can have great conversations about many things. I just dont know how to respond to him. 91 is a long life! What should I say? Thanks.
Diane

Tue, 11/07/2017 - 1:42pm
Caleb Wilde
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I'm not a psychologist ... or

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I'm not a psychologist ... or an advice giver. My grandfather and I have these talks too. He's 86 with some heart problems. And I think he just wants reassurance that he's loved. I've often said that death makes us like children all over again in that our reliance on others, our need for affirmation, and our desire for someone to hold our hands (literally or figuratively) is similar to that of a child. Nobody in their 90s wants to be patronized, but he might just want you to say that you love him and you'll miss him when that day comes.

Tue, 11/07/2017 - 1:54pm (Reply to #2)
dianet
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You give great advice and yes

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You give great advice and yes, that may be just what he wants to hear. I have no doubt he knows I love him but I have never told him I will miss him after he is gone. That is just what I want him to know. Thanks, Caleb. p.s. I am not too far away from you in State College and it is SNOWING and has been for about 2 hours, stay warm.

Wed, 11/08/2017 - 12:19pm
denisegoble
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Afterlife

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Do you believe in an afterlife? Do you think our souls remain even after our body dies, and do you have any proof of the two? I'm struggling with the death of my mother and every time I go to her house I ask myself if she's there. If she can see me. It's tormenting me.

Denise G.

Wed, 11/08/2017 - 1:50pm (Reply to #4)
Caleb Wilde
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I recently wrote an article

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I recently wrote an article that touches on some of your questions: https://www.salon.com/2017/10/29/finding-peace-with-your-ghosts-advice-f...

Thu, 05/17/2018 - 6:14am
WestleyLindgren
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I am sure that your

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I am sure that your grandfather is preparing all of you for the passing. But, do not worry and cherish all the moments with him. Have long conversations, play chess, help writing a paper or learn some of his secrets. Everything you do at this moment would be of great help to the soul.

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