Ask Me Anything (except for money)

77 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Mon, 11/06/2017 - 7:12pm
Caleb Wilde
Caleb Wilde's picture
Offline
Last seen: 8 months 3 days ago
Joined: 06/24/2015 - 5:06pm

Ask Me Anything (except for money)

+1
0
-1
Downvote spam to hide it
Mon, 11/06/2017 - 7:57pm
FelixBowie
Offline
Last seen: 9 months 2 weeks ago
Joined: 11/06/2017 - 7:52pm

Hello, hope you are doing

+1
0
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

Hello, hope you are doing well.

Mon, 11/06/2017 - 8:00pm
Cheryl Whitney
Offline
Last seen: 9 months 2 weeks ago
Joined: 04/14/2016 - 7:04pm

Ask Me Anything

+1
0
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

So I had to take advantage of getting to ask you anything, but I can't think of anything interesting.
So I will make it about you, so we can all get to know you better.
What is your favorite meal, favorite color and favorite vacation spot.
I know, that is three questions, if you want to stick to one, you can choose the one you want to answer.
Thanks Caleb!

Cheryl J. Whitney

Mon, 11/06/2017 - 8:05pm (Reply to #3)
Caleb Wilde
Caleb Wilde's picture
Offline
Last seen: 8 months 3 days ago
Joined: 06/24/2015 - 5:06pm

My love for pizza has only

+1
0
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

My love for pizza has only increased since I discovered my gluten allergy. Yes, there is gluten-free pizza. No, it's not nearly as good. Sometimes I decide that I'll pay the penalty of intense fatigue and I indulge, but mostly I resist. It's its own type of hell.

My ideal vacation spot involves two things: nature and quiet. Give me a small cabin in the mountains with a couple books and a couple expensive cigars.

Black. Obvs.

Mon, 11/06/2017 - 8:12pm (Reply to #4)
Storm
Storm's picture
Offline
Last seen: 9 months 2 weeks ago
Joined: 04/14/2016 - 5:59pm

Pizza became vastly more

+1
+1
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

Pizza became vastly more interesting after I discovered my dairy allergy. Cheese free pizza, not quite the same.

Tue, 11/07/2017 - 11:23am (Reply to #5)
Nmb1974
Offline
Last seen: 9 months 2 weeks ago
Joined: 08/22/2015 - 11:47pm

The best way to counteract

+1
0
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

The best way to counteract the siren song of pizza is to have it be the last thing you eat before exhibiting the classic symptoms of norovirus. I don't recommend it, but it is effective.

Mon, 11/06/2017 - 8:02pm
StacieH
Offline
Last seen: 9 months 2 weeks ago
Joined: 11/06/2017 - 7:56pm

Thank you

+1
+1
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

Just wanted to say thank you for writing your book! I bought it on Saturday and finished it in one day! My father recently passed away, and reading your book gave me great peace. I plan on reading it again!

Stacie H.

Mon, 11/06/2017 - 8:16pm (Reply to #7)
Caleb Wilde
Caleb Wilde's picture
Offline
Last seen: 8 months 3 days ago
Joined: 06/24/2015 - 5:06pm

This made my day :)

+1
0
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

This made my day :)

Mon, 11/06/2017 - 8:23pm (Reply to #8)
StacieH
Offline
Last seen: 9 months 2 weeks ago
Joined: 11/06/2017 - 7:56pm

Well good! I'm having a

+1
0
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

Well good! I'm having a difficult day :( Today is my birthday. Having a hard time celebrating when my one wish can't come true.

Stacie H.

Mon, 11/06/2017 - 8:05pm
FelixBowie
Offline
Last seen: 9 months 2 weeks ago
Joined: 11/06/2017 - 7:52pm

My question for you is, what

+1
+1
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

My question for you is, what advice would you give to someone dealing with complicated grief from tragic deaths of friends and family?

Mon, 11/06/2017 - 8:14pm (Reply to #10)
Caleb Wilde
Caleb Wilde's picture
Offline
Last seen: 8 months 3 days ago
Joined: 06/24/2015 - 5:06pm

In her book "Grief", Linda J.

+1
+2
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

In her book "Grief", Linda J. Schupp puts grief into three main categories: Normal, Complicated, and Tragic. Both complicated and tragic types of grief are usually rather isolating due to their unique nature. It's helpful to treat grief like a disease (it's not, but it's helpful to see it in a similar manner as far as our own roles and responsibilities). If a friend has cancer, we can encourage them, help them, bake them food, play games with them, but it's the doctor's role to diagnose, medicate, heal, etc. If someone is dealing with complicated or traumatic grief, we can be their friends, but they really need to see an expert if they want a diagnosis, medication and some type of "healing". Be their friend. Encourage them to see a grief psychologist.

Mon, 11/06/2017 - 8:06pm
Bfogle
Offline
Last seen: 9 months 2 weeks ago
Joined: 11/06/2017 - 8:00pm

Home Funerals

+1
0
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

What do you think about home funerals? Families taking care of their own dead.

Bfogle

Mon, 11/06/2017 - 8:15pm (Reply to #12)
Caleb Wilde
Caleb Wilde's picture
Offline
Last seen: 8 months 3 days ago
Joined: 06/24/2015 - 5:06pm

We need more of them. If I'm

+1
+6
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

We need more of them. If I'm lucky enough to write another book, I'm going to write it on green cemeteries and home funerals.

Mon, 11/06/2017 - 9:37pm (Reply to #13)
Klevabich
Offline
Last seen: 9 months 2 weeks ago
Joined: 04/15/2016 - 1:06am

Green Cemeteries

+1
+1
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

I love this whole concept, and fervently hope you DO write this book!

Mon, 11/06/2017 - 8:08pm
EJHedgehog
Offline
Last seen: 9 months 2 weeks ago
Joined: 11/06/2017 - 7:55pm

2 years later

+1
0
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

I hope I'm doing this right, never been on here before but I'm a fan of your blog,

I have a question,
What sort of condition would an unembalmed body buried in a regular sort of coffin be in after 2 1/2 years,
Uk temperatures if that makes much difference,

I'm not squeamish so please be honest,
I'm genuinely interested,
Thank you

Mon, 11/06/2017 - 8:19pm (Reply to #15)
Caleb Wilde
Caleb Wilde's picture
Offline
Last seen: 8 months 3 days ago
Joined: 06/24/2015 - 5:06pm

Hmm. There'd probably be

+1
0
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

Hmm. There'd probably be some dried flesh and bone. Mostly bone. If the body was exposed to water, or open to the elements, it's probably all bone. If you're not squeamish, type in "Body Farm" in your search engine and check out some of the videos.

Mon, 11/06/2017 - 8:24pm (Reply to #16)
EJHedgehog
Offline
Last seen: 9 months 2 weeks ago
Joined: 11/06/2017 - 7:55pm

Thank you,

+1
+1
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

Thank you,
I have seen some body farm videos but I was interested in a more traditional burial setting!
I love the Tibetan sky funeral thing though, I think I saw that on your page a long time ago,

Mon, 11/06/2017 - 8:26pm (Reply to #17)
StacieH
Offline
Last seen: 9 months 2 weeks ago
Joined: 11/06/2017 - 7:56pm

There's also a book called

+1
+3
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

There's also a book called "Stiff" by Mary Roach that discusses body farms. It's a fascinating book.

Stacie H.

Mon, 11/06/2017 - 8:30pm (Reply to #18)
EJHedgehog
Offline
Last seen: 9 months 2 weeks ago
Joined: 11/06/2017 - 7:55pm

Thank you! I'll add that to

+1
0
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

Thank you! I'll add that to my Christmas list!

Wed, 11/08/2017 - 6:24pm (Reply to #19)
Jessica39525
Offline
Last seen: 9 months 2 weeks ago
Joined: 11/08/2017 - 6:10pm

I read that book

+1
0
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

This book is, indeed, fascinating. Some topics you didn't even know you wanted to know.

Mon, 11/06/2017 - 8:09pm
EverythingsEventual
Offline
Last seen: 9 months 2 weeks ago
Joined: 11/06/2017 - 8:05pm

Morgue

+1
0
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

Have you ever had to deal with necrophilia in the workplace? I mean the world is a weird place and in sure you've seen many workers come and go, did any give you the creeps?

Joeyk

Mon, 11/06/2017 - 8:23pm (Reply to #21)
Caleb Wilde
Caleb Wilde's picture
Offline
Last seen: 8 months 3 days ago
Joined: 06/24/2015 - 5:06pm

I've never dealt with it, nor

+1
+1
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

I've never dealt with it, nor suspected it. Funeral director conferences can be nearly as exciting as Comic Con. SO MANY STORIES!!! And funeral directors love to tell the dirty details and the most extreme of their stories. But, in the various conferences and gatherings, I've attended, I've never once heard even a rumor. So, I don't think it happens much at all. Now, I have heard of couples breaking into a funeral home to have sex in the morgue (not with the dead, but with each other).

Mon, 11/06/2017 - 9:34pm (Reply to #22)
Ed
Offline
Last seen: 9 months 2 weeks ago
Joined: 11/06/2017 - 9:18pm

Necrophelia

+1
+1
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

13th Funeral Director in family where both father and mother's families FD. Been licensed for42 years and have never run across it either. Would like to think we are all professionals but sure it happens somewhere-sometime

Tue, 11/07/2017 - 1:08pm (Reply to #23)
Scottssister1
Offline
Last seen: 9 months 2 weeks ago
Joined: 11/07/2017 - 12:57pm

Necrophilia

+1
0
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

It does happen....it happened to my great grandmother in 1981. My grandfather caught the guy in the funeral home doing it. He brought it to the attention of the funeral director who said he would take care of it. In 1996 my other great grandmother died and that day in the newspaper was an article about a guy who was caught IN THE SAME FUNERAL HOME doing the same thing!! It was the SAME GUY!! Came to find out necrophilia wasn’t illegal in Iowa and if it were legal, the statute of limitations would have been over for us to go back and sue. Let me see if I can find the article from 1996. If I can I’ll post it. I believe necrophilia is illegal in Iowa now but I discourage anyone from using this popular funeral home in Des Moines whenever I can.

Tue, 11/07/2017 - 1:23pm (Reply to #24)
Scottssister1
Offline
Last seen: 9 months 2 weeks ago
Joined: 11/07/2017 - 12:57pm

Necrophilia

+1
0
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

https://www.newspapers.com/image/127664274/

I found the link...it was in 95, I fat fingered the original post. If you can’t see the link google “necrophilia cases in Des Moines, IA”.

Mon, 11/06/2017 - 8:16pm
rayzgirl85
Offline
Last seen: 9 months 2 weeks ago
Joined: 11/06/2017 - 8:09pm

I would love to ask something

+1
0
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

I would love to ask something but I can't read anything posted on here. It all appears blank to me.

Mon, 11/06/2017 - 8:20pm (Reply to #26)
EJHedgehog
Offline
Last seen: 9 months 2 weeks ago
Joined: 11/06/2017 - 7:55pm

I was having the same problem

+1
0
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

I was having the same problem on my phone, I turned it on its side and I can now see what's going on,
Hope this helps

Fri, 11/10/2017 - 6:51pm (Reply to #27)
Cheryl Whitney
Offline
Last seen: 9 months 2 weeks ago
Joined: 04/14/2016 - 7:04pm

Blank page where questions and answers should be-

+1
0
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

I had the same problem and had almost given up but when I turned the phone sideways, everything was fine. Unfortunately I don’t think the people having the same problem will be able to see our solution!

Cheryl J. Whitney

Mon, 11/06/2017 - 8:21pm
DebMT519
Offline
Last seen: 9 months 2 weeks ago
Joined: 11/06/2017 - 8:10pm

Curious

+1
0
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

When my daughter died of CO (from a faulty furnace), the funeral director put a turtleneck under the dress she had worn to her first formal dance just a month earlier. It was a lacy dress with a scoop neck, but she loved that dress and the turtleneck rather bunged that up. Why was that?

Mon, 11/06/2017 - 8:28pm (Reply to #29)
Caleb Wilde
Caleb Wilde's picture
Offline
Last seen: 8 months 3 days ago
Joined: 06/24/2015 - 5:06pm

Many funeral directors use

+1
0
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

Many funeral directors use the carotid artery and jugular vein to embalm. You can feel your carotid pulsate on your neck. We generally make the incision above the collarbone. Dresses with a scoop neck would expose that incision, so my guess would be that the turtleneck was placed there to cover the incision. An embalmer can avoid this by raising the femoral, or some other artery.

Mon, 11/06/2017 - 8:36pm (Reply to #30)
DebMT519
Offline
Last seen: 9 months 2 weeks ago
Joined: 11/06/2017 - 8:10pm

Thank you. I thought it

+1
0
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

Thank you. I thought it might be because the CO makes one's skin color quite pink/red, so I assumed it had something to do with that. Never thought about access.

Mon, 11/06/2017 - 9:41pm (Reply to #31)
Ed
Offline
Last seen: 9 months 2 weeks ago
Joined: 11/06/2017 - 9:18pm

CO death

+1
0
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

Light cosmetics of right kind should cover up cherry color. And a carotid incision made below the collar bone would be low enough to not show in most cases (easy to learn to do). And a little was can be used to hide incision if necessary.

Mon, 11/06/2017 - 8:24pm
Jduncan
Offline
Last seen: 9 months 2 weeks ago
Joined: 11/06/2017 - 8:06pm

Funeral directing

+1
0
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

Have you ever cried with a family or do you feel it's your place to be strong for them?

Mon, 11/06/2017 - 8:30pm (Reply to #33)
Caleb Wilde
Caleb Wilde's picture
Offline
Last seen: 8 months 3 days ago
Joined: 06/24/2015 - 5:06pm

I wish I could cry more.

+1
+1
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

I wish I could cry more. There's something in me that keeps me from doing it. I generally go a year or two without crying (and I don't think that's healthy). But, if I did cry more easily, and I felt like it was appropriate, I'd do it.

Mon, 11/06/2017 - 8:31pm
Bookluvrmomma
Offline
Last seen: 3 months 3 weeks ago
Joined: 08/24/2015 - 3:13pm

If you have a body that was

+1
0
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

If you have a body that was burnt for a long period of time, how do you keep the smell down during the funeral? ( had a family member die this way and have always wondered.)

Mon, 11/06/2017 - 8:33pm (Reply to #35)
Caleb Wilde
Caleb Wilde's picture
Offline
Last seen: 8 months 3 days ago
Joined: 06/24/2015 - 5:06pm

Yes. Burned bodies have a

+1
0
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

Yes. Burned bodies have a unique smell, but it's not as potent as some other smells ... like the smells of a body in decomp. A burn victim could be in our prep room with the fans on full blast and it wouldn't seep into any of the other rooms.

Mon, 11/06/2017 - 8:36pm
JeffArmitage
JeffArmitage's picture
Offline
Last seen: 9 months 2 weeks ago
Joined: 11/06/2017 - 8:27pm

Liquid cremation

+1
0
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

What do you think about Alkaline hydrolysis—also known as liquid cremation? I have gotten your book but have not read it yet, but can't wait to read it.

Jeff Armitage

Mon, 11/06/2017 - 8:38pm (Reply to #37)
Caleb Wilde
Caleb Wilde's picture
Offline
Last seen: 8 months 3 days ago
Joined: 06/24/2015 - 5:06pm

Three thoughts:

+1
+1
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

Three thoughts:
I don't know why it's illegal in some states.
It's more eco-friendly than cremation by fire
It can be more economical too

Mon, 11/06/2017 - 8:42pm (Reply to #38)
JeffArmitage
JeffArmitage's picture
Offline
Last seen: 9 months 2 weeks ago
Joined: 11/06/2017 - 8:27pm

Would this be

+1
0
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

Would this be better for obese people then fire.

Jeff Armitage

Mon, 11/06/2017 - 8:49pm (Reply to #39)
Caleb Wilde
Caleb Wilde's picture
Offline
Last seen: 8 months 3 days ago
Joined: 06/24/2015 - 5:06pm

Hmm. I don't think I have

+1
0
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

Hmm. I don't think I have the info to answer that one. Liquid cremation was first used for cows with mad cow disease. Those AH machines could do it with ease. But most of the anthropoidal AH machines seem to be pretty small to handle very large persons.

Mon, 11/06/2017 - 8:39pm
Jduncan
Offline
Last seen: 9 months 2 weeks ago
Joined: 11/06/2017 - 8:06pm

I got my funeral service

+1
+1
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

I got my funeral service license a few months ago. Do you ever get over being nervous before a funeral or meeting with a family?

Mon, 11/06/2017 - 8:43pm (Reply to #41)
Caleb Wilde
Caleb Wilde's picture
Offline
Last seen: 8 months 3 days ago
Joined: 06/24/2015 - 5:06pm

Ha. So true. SO. MANY.

+1
0
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

Ha. So true. SO. MANY. NERVES. But, it does get better.
Emotional bandwidth. That's the term. As we grow both professionally and personally (something that only happens through time and experience) our ability to handle certain things generally grows. Like bandwidth with an internet connection, the larger the bandwidth, the more we can handle and the less nervous we become. I, admittedly, still have nerves. But it's much less than it used to be.

Mon, 11/06/2017 - 8:59pm
LaMont
LaMont's picture
Offline
Last seen: 9 months 2 weeks ago
Joined: 11/06/2017 - 8:45pm

Sealed caskets vs non sealed

+1
0
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

I was wondering if it could be true that sealed caskets with rubber gasket causes a lot of problems in a mausoleum. I've heard by many to cut the gasket so you don't have the bad leakages coming out of the front ?? So as to let the body dry out normally??
I heard that possibly gasses can build up an cause the body to bloat and blow up because of gasses?. Lotsa myths out there floating around.....

LaMont Hansen

Fri, 11/10/2017 - 7:09pm (Reply to #43)
Cheryl Whitney
Offline
Last seen: 9 months 2 weeks ago
Joined: 04/14/2016 - 7:04pm

Sealed caskets

+1
0
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

I think Caleb missed this answer.
☹️ Sorry Lamont.

Cheryl J. Whitney

Mon, 11/06/2017 - 10:44pm
Voodoodollie
Offline
Last seen: 9 months 2 weeks ago
Joined: 11/06/2017 - 10:38pm

death trinkets

+1
0
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

A friend of mine would like to leave me his skull when he dies. What kind of laws/rules/regulations exist for this to happen, or not?

Tue, 11/07/2017 - 1:46pm (Reply to #45)
Caleb Wilde
Caleb Wilde's picture
Offline
Last seen: 8 months 3 days ago
Joined: 06/24/2015 - 5:06pm

I don't think it's illegal,

+1
0
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

I don't think it's illegal, but I don't know who'd do it for you. It's something your buddy would have to set up ... and he'd have to find a person who'd strip the flesh, brain, etc. Off the top of my head, I don't know any businesses that do this.

Mon, 11/06/2017 - 11:43pm
Nephie
Nephie's picture
Offline
Last seen: 9 months 2 weeks ago
Joined: 08/22/2015 - 12:12pm

Thanks!

+1
0
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

Glad for the relaunch.

Nephie

Tue, 11/07/2017 - 12:15am
shenpen_metok
Offline
Last seen: 9 months 2 weeks ago
Joined: 11/06/2017 - 11:58pm

Recommendations

+1
0
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

Hi Caleb,
I have loved reading Confessions of a Funeral Director. Many thanks for broadening our view of death and death care ritual. I have recently been working as a pre-need independent sales representative for a major cremation provider. I love being with people and helping them with final arrangements, and want to take a next step in this field. But I have no idea what is out there for work other than funeral director. Are there books you can recommend to broaden my awareness of work opportunities in this field?

Shenpen

Tue, 11/07/2017 - 2:01pm (Reply to #48)
Caleb Wilde
Caleb Wilde's picture
Offline
Last seen: 8 months 3 days ago
Joined: 06/24/2015 - 5:06pm

As far as books about

+1
0
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

As far as books about professional opportunities BESIDE funeral director, I'm not aware of anything specifically, but there are books that look at alt-death care practices, like "Grave Matters" by Mark Harris and "Final Rights" by Josh Slocum, and probably the best one is a new textbook on alt-funeral practices called, "Changing Landscapes" ed. by Lee Webster.

Thu, 11/09/2017 - 6:34pm (Reply to #49)
shenpen_metok
Offline
Last seen: 9 months 2 weeks ago
Joined: 11/06/2017 - 11:58pm

Many thanks for the recommendations!

+1
0
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

I have the feeling that I'll be doing a lot of reading soon . . .

Shenpen

Tue, 11/07/2017 - 12:31am
Pennwolf
Pennwolf's picture
Offline
Last seen: 9 months 2 weeks ago
Joined: 08/24/2015 - 8:47pm

ask anything?

+1
0
-1
Downvote spam to hide it

ok, since I have been in nursing and seen a few people pass that I loved , do you feel at times that you become hardened to death and feel it's just the end result of life? curious as I don't cry much, and question my feelings on this.

KaS

Three Rules

One. No proselytizing: Religious belief, spirituality and nonbelief are sacred.  because they are sacred, we respect them.  Because they are sacred we don't push them on others.

Two. No Advertising: DEATHub is a space where we can talk about personal stories, personal feelings and ideas.  Those stories, feelings and ideas won't be exploited for personal or corporate gain.

Three. No Assholes: DEATHub only works if we are understanding and empathetic in our posts, comments, and when we're incidentally offended by another.  We are a group that is full of good people, who have deep and sensitive stories.  This is a place for those stories.